Author: Roma
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Does ‘gentle’ parenting mean no limits?
When looking for parenting input it’s important you sound out the approach to make sure it’s one that really answers your questions. Some parents have concerns that the Hand in Hand approach may offer the nurturing input that kids need but not give enough guidance on boundaries. Read on to find out more about the…
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Are you a Distancer or Pursuer parent?
I notice that in our parenting we tend to fall with varying degrees, into one of two camps; distancer or pursuer. Although these are terms traditionally used in the context of couples (it is a universal pattern that in relationship one partner takes the distancing role and the other pursues) I think we also have…
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How befriending your life story can make you a better parent
I spent the first 5 weeks of my life in an incubator. I must’ve cried as many times as babies do during those weeks, except the nurses would only come every 4 hours. When they did come I imagine it was either to ensure I received formula via tube or to perform sometimes painful procedures.…
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When our childhood trauma shows up in parenting
Click here to open pdf When my first child was born I was so ready for him and longing to meet him. My body however wanted to freak out and be taken care of so it generated a uterine infection that left me sweaty and comatose for the first 5 weeks of my son’s…
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Are you missing signals for connection from your pre-teen?
Do you ever get kinda hunkered down when it gets to bedtime, on a slighted fixated mission to just get the kids in bed? I do. My kids were doing the usual multiple procrastination stunts and I was fielding them, on autopilot; herding the kids into bed. No you can’t have a snack you…
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Fix separation anxiety to bring closeness
So often, I’m amazed by the power of this therapeutic parenting work, to shift not just tricky behaviours, but entire patterns that I had written off as just being part of my or my child’s personality. I’m very close to my kids, but they’ve always been kinda avoidant with me. Wanting physical contact but…
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Is the house on fire? A tool for when you are losing it as a parent
In those moments when we’re just about to lose it with our kids and we don’t really want to blow up at them, it’s good to learn how to de-escalate. It often feels way more urgent than it actually is. Start by asking yourself “is the house on fire?” And if it’s not, here’s what…
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Why connection is the key to parenting
Endurance stress or Connection stress? A guest post by Alice Irving Pretty much all of my (yummy) clients are stressed. Most of them are doing too much. But that’s not really why they’re stressed. What’s causing their stress isn’t the volume of work they’ve got, it’s the feeling of fear and anxiety about what will…
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When a parent is losing it
I’m packing up our tent and the screams from the van opposite are escalating and it’s all sounding just a little bit too aggressive for my liking. I can hear a very distressed child, who sounds quite young and her mother, getting more and more irate and shouting at her. I debate whether to go…
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Guide to a connected summer festival with kids
We’ve all been there. You’re supposed to be taking the kids to somewhere you can all have fun, where they can get plenty of freedom to run around and make friends; where you can engage in festival fun en famille; where you might even get some time to yourself. And yet so often festivals end…
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When children are anxious or explosive
“You’re KILLING me, I can’t BREATHE, I’m HOT, let me go! You’re hurting me. What kind of MOTHER hurts her own SON.” I look down and check. My hands are so loosely around his 7 year old wrists. Admittedly, I was holding him pretty tight a few minutes ago but now it feels like…
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What really drives kids’ difficult behaviours?
FEAR_Issue_52 There is an insidious undercurrent that can seep, unbeknownst to us, into our children’s hearts, affecting their behaviour and their confidence. It can alter their thinking, posture and shake their enjoyment of life and bigness in the world. When the baby is constantly crying and squirming, refusing to nap more than 40…
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A likeminded community of parents is they key to your success
If you are based in Frome you are already part of one of the most cutting edge towns in the UK. Last week George Monbiot reported on revolutionary community measures against isolation that are cutting the rates of hospital admissions in this progressive town. Frome is known for its community. You may be enjoying the…
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New sibling jealousy
“Help! My daughter is 2.5 years old and does not listen at all, she now has a little brother which she is jealous of. Sometimes her behaviour is out of control. What can I do?” Ah bless you, this sounds very normal to me and so challenging for you when you are trying to…
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20 things to say when your child is crying
What if every time your child cries or tantrums, they are actually doing something highly worthwhile? We don’t always appreciate it when our children begin to cry, but what they are actually doing is making use of the body’s innate recovery system. When we get hurt, physically or emotionally, instead of storing it all up…
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How telling your story can help you recover from a difficult birth (Practicing Midwife July 2016)
When women are impacted by birth trauma it can stay with them for many years, influencing their mental health and sense of self. The work of Mary Main et al (2005) in their Adult Attachment Interview demonstrated that a child’s attachment status can be predicted with 85% accuracy by their mother’s state of mind. It…
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Receiving Love (JUNO Magazine Spring 2016)
Roma Norriss reflects on the basis for an ecstatic birth I’m all about receiving love when it comes to birth. Receiving love is a bold, rebellious act; as it counters deep-rooted feelings of not receiving enough during birth and infancy. Receiving all the love and support that is there for us, is what allows us…
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What to do when your child gets hurt
My daughter was playing with a gaggle of kids the other day and they decided it would be fun to all pile into our small sauna. In the scuffle, one of the other kids was closing the door and accidentally caught her finger quite badly. On hearing her shriek, I ran and lifted her out.…
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Small pretext BIG feelings
Sometimes children seem to be so unreasonable, don’t they? They lose it over the most insignificant of things, such as which coloured cup you give them, or which flavour ice lolly they got. And it’s hard not to find that immensely frustrating when you are doing your best to be kind and help their lives…
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The rescue we all need sometimes
This scene is the aftermath of deep emotional work. Where all the lights… and eyes, were on me. An experience unparalleled except for in ceremonies where all my people showed up just for me – like our wedding or my beautiful blessingways. I have shared a fair bit on Facebook about how I have recently…
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Staylistening at Amma
I just took my kids on a slightly wild adventure to see Amma (the ‘hugging saint’) in London. They managed to hold it together throughout the 5 hour car journey, despite being sprung straight from school without any Special Time to top up connection levels. We scraped them through a quick dinner in a cafe,…
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The job of the Birthkeepers
“The job of the Birthkeepers is to pave the way for the Earthkeepers to come through. Get hooked up to the Earth Mother, connect with your intuition and trust it” Robin Lim Last weekend I returned from Findhorn, to where there was an unusual exodus of birthkeepers for the Healthy Birth Healthy Earth Conference. I had long…
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Healing is messy
Healing is messy. Sometimes it looks like chocolate coconut water on a plate, having snorted it out of your mouth and nose. I’ve not been OK at all recently, (which probably signifies being more OK than I’ve ever been). Ive lost my drive, run aground. In short I’m having a disproportionate reaction to a heartbreak,…
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Adventures in Neurofeedback
It has taken me a while to blog about our experiences of undertaking Neurofeedback for our boy. The whole thing has been huge, from all the research and deliberating it took to get there, the fundraising and immense support from our community. I got actual hate mail. People looked at me like I’m crazy (nothing…
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Help your child prepare for school
We’re really lucky that our daughter is getting the opportunity to start processing her feelings about starting Reception in September each time we drop her brother off at the school. Last week she started crying as we were leaving his classroom under the pretext of wanting me to pick her up. I was unhurried and…
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When you fall apart you know you’re in the right place
Here’s my daughter getting the Embercombe after party started. Rock N Roll kiddo. We just got back from an inspirational family camp there called ‘Grow the Grownups.’ I returned my kids to their dad filthy, covered in bites, scratches, blisters and bruises, itching, exhausted, sun-kissed and with matted hair, but with their hearts and imaginations…
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Why does my kid lose it when we are having the loveliest time?
Hi from the beautiful sun drenched Algarve, where I have made an impromptu winter escape with my two kids. They are having a delightful time, splashing in rock pools, running about my aunt’s gorgeous villa, loving each other and… crying a LOT! This afternoon after a sweet morning of Special Time we set out for…
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Imperfect is good enough
My co-parent walks through the door at dinner time, ready to take over on Daddy-duty. “Uh can you listen to me for 5? I can’t get through to any of my Listening Partners.” The kids are occupied so he takes me to the back garden and before I can get any words out, I just sob and sob…
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Why I charge a reasonable rate for my services to parents
I just watched the Suffragette film and was re-inspired by the extreme measures women took, risking and even giving their lives for equality. And yet a hundred years later, inequality is so deeply ingrained that we women still collude in holding it in place. The other morning I was challenged by a woman over the…
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Could connection improve your baby/young child’s sleep?
I see you mama. You waking multiple times in the night to lie contorted, feeding your babe. You dragged from a puddle of dribble each morning when your child wakes much earlier than you are ready for. You watching the minutes tick over painfully slowly, while you await naptime and a chance to lie down…
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Why African babies REALLY don’t cry… and why Western ones might need to!
*******This is a response to a previous article by a Kenyan author. I appreciate that Africa is a vast and diverse continent and that it is not appropriate to generalise. By using the term ‘African babies’ I am referencing and responding to Claire Niala’s description of parenting practices in Kenya.******* I read the original article…
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When you see a parent losing their rag try this…
Following on from my experience last week, where my son losing it in public drew attention from the law enforcement, I decided I better walk my talk about being a support to struggling parents while others look on. The opportunity arose when I saw, late one sunset flooded evening, a mum dragging her screaming kid across…
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The longing epidemic
I sit here watching YouTube clips of Jamie Catto, musician, producer and leader of inspirational, spiritual workshops. He’s talking about feeling intense pressure on your chest, pain across your solar plexus and the benefit of noticing these interesting sensations. I’m feeling them. I feel a weight pressing down on my lungs, a sharp pain in…
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Love tickles, knee squeezes and licks
While I’d consider us as a fairly loved up, snuggly, nuzzly clan, the truth is I’ve had to actively force myself to be physically affectionate with my kids. Not because I lack affection, but because showing it wasn’t wired in my brain’s Mothering 1.0 software. I’ve had to train myself to kiss them goodbye each time I…
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Ecstatic Birth is not Hypnobirthing
I often get asked; Ecstatic Birth, is that like hypnobirthing? No, not really from what I can tell. The emphasis with hypnobirthing seems to be on minimalising the intensity of birth. Instead of contractions, we’ll call them waves or surges. We won’t mention the words pain or fear, but instead focus on the positive. But…
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Your kid can recover from traumatic times
Dan Siegel, in his wonderful book, Parenting From The Inside Out, outlines research that suggests a child’s attachment status can actually be predicted by how coherent their parents’ autobiographical narratives are. Our stories reflect how well we have made sense of our lives and this directly impacts on our ability to parent responsively. I know…
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How to be your own guardian angel
I have discovered a superpower and I’m going to share so you can be a superhero too. I’ve discovered that by just being with whatever is going on in my body, I am more likely to remain “in charge”. Last night, I was staying with a friend in Devon. As I snuggled down in bed…
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What if you spoke to yourself the way you speak to your kid?
I was walking up a long, beautiful hill in the wilderness today, with my reluctant 3 year old in tow. She was shivering and taking a few little steps at a time. About halfway up the hill she started screeching “I’m too tired” and “I can’t walk” over and over. When the black clouds opened…
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7 Tried and Tested Mastitis Remedies That Worked for Me
7 Tried and Tested Mastitis Remedies That Worked for Me Few breastfeeding challenges are more sudden or painful than mastitis. Unfortunately, mastitis and I go way back. I had two tongue-tied babies, both of whom had trouble latching properly, and I endured several sprees of recurrent mastitis. I can remember being held down, delirious with fever, screaming in pain, by three women who…